You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
