you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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