i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
