Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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