I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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