so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
