I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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