nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
