Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
