I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
