Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
