Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
