On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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