Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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