I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
God I need to hump something, right now.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
