I'm lost and stupid without you.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
