Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
where does the pee come out of this thing
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
