We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
