oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
