On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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