I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
