Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
