i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
