it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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