Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
