You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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