anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
