"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
