fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
