and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
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