It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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