There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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