we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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