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Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
