shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
