ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
only you would photoshop your dick
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
we're so committed to being not committed
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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