I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
