OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
