Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
