I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
