i wish starbucks made bloody marys
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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