Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
