it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
