How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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