We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
