I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
