If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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