I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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