my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
