I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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