I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
