so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How naked do you want me to be?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
