I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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